It’s no secret that Californians are moving to Sioux Falls in droves to escape Communist persecution, but local residents aren’t exactly stoked they’re coming.

“I was recently driving near the outskirts of my new hometown, and recognized that white cows outnumbered the black ones, which is animal racism. So, I went home to research it more in depth after I had posted an uneducated rant on Facebook and Twitter about it, and found out that cows do NOT produce soy or vegan options! I knew they produced whole, 2%, 1%, skim options, but how can they NOT produce these options for consumers?! I’m going to have to write another rant about this later!” said one new Sioux Falls resident from California.

Farmers have yet to see any of the posts, because they usually do not know or care what goes on online, but when the Californian rants were read to them by their grandkids, their reactions were worth noting:

“I can’t even respond to that, honestly. How dumb can these people be?” said one local farmer.

“I feel terrible for the uneducated generation that’s coming through now. I know I did a lot of stupid stuff and said some stupid things back in my day, but soy options from a cow udder? That’s laughable,” said another farmer.

Just a friendly reminder that chocolate milk does NOT come from black or brown cows.

The Sioux Falls Headliner
Adam K. White